I just really wish I could cry tonite.... there are countless reasons for my negative thoughts and now all i really want to do is cry......... Is it sad that in this world fill with people and not to mention my family and the guy I love... I have no one to talk to? Co lap. Co the dieu ay la so phan cua toi. Trong mot kiep nguoi, co the noi rang toi co tuc cai nhung gi ma toi can... nhung sao van thay co don?
Perhaps because life never goes the way I want it to. It always makes the one I love be far from me. Love, a simple word that holds the deepest of meaning. It causes my heart to ache and my mind to blur. I should be happy because in three days, I'll get to see him. But whenever he talks of going back to Vietnam.... I just don't feel happy. Maybe it's the idea of being even further away from him than I've ever been... the time change, the people.... I should tell myself that I trust him. But that would be lying to me, I do but then I don't. I can't understand myself anymore than I understand the twisted world I live in.
Could it be simpler to not live? Or to not feel? To let it all go and embrace the world with an empty heart and soulless body? I could be functioning to autopilot and respond to situation as I had programmed myself long ago to do so. If someone tells a joke, I laugh and if they cry, I comfort but without actually feeling their pain and understanding their emotion? If only I could do that, then I'll be the best little robot the world has ever known. But then I would just be a robot.
I tell myself that I should never live for no man, just live for myself and my parents. But love makes my heart melt and my mind weaken. I don't know.... I wish I wasn't alive right now. Sleep an eternal sleep.
Khong thich your bf ve Vietnam, tai sao vay? chac la tai Kimee ghen, so him di uong bia-om phai khong? hahaha jk :D
ReplyDeleteI hate being lonely too, especially very late at night (right now) when no one here to talk/text to; so it's very common, don't be too negative about it ok. Especially...(I may mention this before)...don't listen to sad music! Nhac tha't tinh may give you a sense of belonging, undertanding, like u'r not alone in the game of love, but it can also dragging you down too. Overall, people are products of their environment, cheerful things can cheer you up ...sometimes ;)
PS. I think I'm gonna do some video blogging soon. But I'm kinda shy in from of camera, plus I have a terrible deep accent ,,,,but we'll see :P