i used to think, why do girls hurts themselves when then are upset at someone else? now i realized, the answer is because they love the other person too much to hurt the other person. for me, i am afraid that if i keep on nagging at him, i'll lose him like i lost the first relationship i was in. so i just let the blood roll down and the pain to seer in so it hurts less.

i feel so alone. perhaps there's only one person who reads my blog and it's not him. i showed him this already too but he never took noticed. is it bad that everytime i drive by a tall building or walk pass my school's sky bridge, i'd think.... "would he miss me if i fall now?" i love him so, but he'll never understand how deep it is, then again, i don't know how deep it is. perhaps i'm better off alone. without a reason to hurt myself. perhaps i don't love myself enough and when i put all my love towards someone else and getting little in return, i feel like an empty vase?

all men are the same. they treat their new girlfriends with care and they stop noticing her when she starts to care. or maybe i just attract those.... i dnt kno and dnt want to think about it anymore. you know what i want to do now? i want to sleep forever and never wake. then perhaps he'll think of me more.... at least i'll remain in his memory forever rather than be like the pretty little flower that he picked up then threw away........

thank you for reading my blog.... for i feel so lonely now.  have a wonderful night.